I'm So Sorry, Jimmy Dean Sausage Guy

The Sausage Bandit 

To the Jimmy Dean sausage guy, as you shall henceforth be known, I am heart-unhealthfully sorry.  As a fellow actor I realize what you're up against.  The typecasting that you'll forever deal with as you will be eternally linked to this roll.  I meant...role.  

No, I get it - you're on a nationally syndicated commercial.  I've never been there. You're totally raking in the dough.  People recognize you.  You're somebody.  But for me sir, if it ever meant having to work a convention dressed like a giant member of the solar system to shill cased meat, I'd have to go with complete and total obscurity.  I guess I admire your dedication to the full realization of your dream on whatever terms are required to make that happen.  

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The meat and greet

You're a working actor.  It sure beats lying around on the sofa watching soaps you're not employed by.  'Cause that would just be demoralizing.

Casing in point: Loafing around with your buns all inactive. 

I either read or heard that somebody ended up in an elevator with the Sun God of breakfast meat.  Fully costumed.  I'll pause here to let you fully take that image in.  People crowding in around him.  Those spiky rays poking men in business suits.  The ensuing aggravation of everyone in the vicinity.  They said Sausage Guy didn't look too amused.  He was apparently friendly though.  Well yeah.  This guy can't get away with anything less than a totally sunny disposition.   

I'm sure it all gets old.  You probably feel like toast at the end of the day.  You want to move your career forward.   Rise above it all.  Or are you holding onto this gig in a white knuckled, let go of my Eggo kinda way?  What if the sun sets on your career at this point?  What then?  Spokesperson for Oscar Meyer?  Everybody wishes they were an Oscar Meyer wiener after all.  Or maybe you could form a theater troupe with Flo from Progressive.  She's not getting another acting job either.  "Hey, look! It's Flo from Progressive!"  "It's that Sun Guy from the sausage commercial!"  You could mount a production of "Raisin In the Sun" and include those California raisins that haven't worked since the 80s.  Face it man, people will always associate you with those damn commercials.  

Sure, the Mac guy went on to a film career, but I still think of him as the Mac guy.  And he's young and cute and can work that romantic comedy angle.  What've you got goin', Sausage Guy?  You smokin' hot?  I don't mean to egg you on, but I don't think there's much chance we'll see you onscreen hangin' with Kevin Bacon.  

In fact, I'd say the chances are Slim Jim to Sunny with a chance of none.