Two Days After Christmas (A Poem)

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Two Days After Christmas

'Tis two days after Christmas and all through the house

Shit's strewn everywhere and there's wine on my blouse

The kids in their snuggies still upright in bed

While visions of flame throwers dance in their heads

I've got a huge headache, the coffee's not working

I'm tired and I'm crabby and the Hubby is smirking

I woke up at 8-ish feeling like I'd been capped

All I really want now is an uninterrupted nap

I can't fit into my jeans - I've eaten so much

And I've nipped at the nog like a newly crowned lush

Thank Goddess it's been days since we've heard from that Elf

Hey, that lasagna's not gonna eat itself

My diet won't start until the first of the year

'Til then I'm polishing off cookies washed down with beer

Gonna play Doom on Xbox with the boys and other shenanigans

Then go see the Hobbit with my homey Bilbo Baggins

I'll have to see Le Miz all alone 

That's too girly for my homeboys; perhaps when they're grown

In three days my boy turns thirteen

A teenager - oy - Hope he won't be mean

Then it's New Year's Eve - Will you be partying enough?

Such lofty expectations - what's your problem - you're 'sposed to be doing stuff

Here in our household, if memory serves

We'll all be in our PJs eating frozen hors d'ouvres

We're homebodies now, no more New Year's Eve gigs

No more New Years hangovers

No more dancing of jigs

And that's okay with me 'cause the Holidays are draining

I'll be a huge slacker - no housework - I'm refraining

I'll enjoy the kids when they're not driving me crazy

And every excuse to be what I am...

Which is LAZY